Still avoiding the Americans

I am so gret

2003-12-14T17:15:00.000+03:30

Now. I am wankingmyself anally while I type away at my blog. I am very good at it. I used to do this whiel I prepared to meet Donald, and then I did not wash my hands until after I had shaken his hands! Hah ha ha. Huh! What is that noise? Sounds like someone is digging something. Whoah Someone has found me, ayee!! I hope they do not see me in the corner! Oh no it is the Americams! Aargh!!

Best free blog hosts - SitePoint Forums

2003-12-13T20:46:00.000+03:30

Best free blog hosts - SitePoint Forums

I do a search for better free blogging services and what do I find? This rubbish. All Rubbish! And if not used by little children then by geek boys! Where can a serious Geat Dictator like me find a good free Blogging Service eh?

Itchy Arse

2003-11-17T00:18:00.000+03:30

I can't believe it.. All day I have been itching my arse and still it is itching. i wonder if I need to wash my underpants? Who can tell? I am wearing black Calven Kleign underpants. (I use black coulour because ..1) they are so sexy, and 2), it is not so easy to see skid marks after the American's drive by in their Humvee playing 50Cent or Snoopy Doggy Dog with the bass turned up very loud. Ha! As if they are like Hard Gangstas! No wonder they will never capture me, I can hear them from a mile away!

blog*spot - blog hosting

2003-11-16T23:54:00.000+03:30

blog*spot - blog hosting

How is this suppoosed to work properly? I don';t understand! Aargh! This American tecjnolgy! Russian would be much better! (Or even NorthKOrean would be better! Get someone to shout my message over the tannoy!)

Still avoiding the Americans

2003-11-16T00:10:00.000+03:30

Still avoiding the Americans

This has got to be one of the best sites of The Internet! I have read and compared them all to mine and none are even as close as my arse cheeks! I hope that one day soon, I will be able to work out how to receive messages from my fans. In the mean time, I will read up on an excellent book I found.."Success in world Domination for Evil Dictators". It is clearly not a book that Little Idiot Dwarf has read... Hah! Maybe when I am done, I will change a few words and publish under my own title!

Wake David - The site dedicated to keeping David Blaine awake for 44 days and nights [www.wakedavid.co.uk] - Home

2003-10-04T17:42:00.000+03:30

Wake David - The site dedicated to keeping David Blaine awake for 44 days and nights [www.wakedavid.co.uk] - Home

Hmm.. found this site on the Internet.. Maybe I can do one about Boosh and Blair?

David Blaine Magic Man

2003-09-27T18:25:00.000+03:30

David Blaine Magic Man

What a load of cobblers! I cannot believe that there is a blaineboard for this idiot's progress! Why is there not one for me?

Stupid Just Stupi!

2003-09-23T22:24:00.000+03:30

That's what I have to say about the Ali G. And also that other weirdo, Michael J (ever since he left the Jackson 5)

Thats all, for now.

Another busy day in Iraq

2003-09-22T22:24:00.000+03:30

Hello All again! Today I managed to pass the Dead Rat out from my arse! It was not without difficulty, I had to dig around with a straightened wire coat hanger, but at least I now have some fresh meat for lunch!. I found the rat fur had cleaned me out as the rat came out, saved on the Colonic Irrigation! Maybe if I cannot ever become President of Iraq agaiin, I can emigrate to the USA and set up as the Colonic Irrigator of Baghdad! I here that if I promise to employ some American teenagers that I will be looked on favorable by the immigration officials. Here's hoping!

David Blaine is crap

2003-09-21T21:05:00.000+04:30

I just tuned in on my pirate signal TV (no Al-Jazeerah unfortunately) and saw some of David Blaine's latest stunt. Very boring, and I could only take a few minutes of it before I had to turn it off again! I think it was funny that someone flew a hamburger round his box. I also wish that I could be there to eat a bacon butty under his nose (!!Aah.. Not a proper Bacon Butty of course as that would ruin my Muslim Credentials, but maybe a turky rasher butty from Bernie Matthews. They could sponsor me, maybe.

I can't feel that rat anymore. It has stopped moving (but at least it gave me a good feeling of being FILLED. And it stimulated my prostrate a bit too (for those who do not know, a prostrate to a man is a bit like the g-spot is to the ladies!)

Hopefully I will be able to pass it out in the morning as I do not fancy having to go to the hospital to ask the doctor to extract it for me. Or maybe I could go to the US medical centre, as those fools will be too busy looking at my arse to notice my face. Clearly if they had made the famouse deck of playing cards pornographic, then I might not be able to visit their facility without fear of being recognised, as surely my arse would had featured in the picture.

Perhaps I will eat some dates.

How will everyone find my weblog?

2003-09-21T18:20:00.000+04:30

This is a question.. I have been asking myself (as I can't see it in the FAQs). Once I publish my blog, how is the rest of the world going to find it? Maybe that is why Osama has not got on the Internet Highway, and stayed with traditional means of communication (taped recordings and truck bombs)

I wonder if anyone out there has noticed me...

Now I can't sleep

2003-09-21T18:08:00.000+04:30

The rat has crawled deeper into my arse than I thought it would. And its tail is no longer hanging out so I don't know how to pull it out. Now I now how my daughters felt when as young boys Uday and Quasay cut the strings off all those tampons. And also maybe the servants as I seem to remember that for a few weeks they were entertaining themslves by seeing how many angry cats they could insert up the arse of the members of the Cabinet to see who was most loyal..

Ouch!

2003-09-21T18:02:00.000+04:30

That bastard Rat bit me on the arse! I have punished it by inserting it all the way!

2003-09-21T17:51:00.000+04:30

Aah.. I can't sleep! The thought of Osama's beard rubbing against my arse is turning me on! I am going to sleep in the nude tonight, with a bit of luck a rat will stray too close, and I will trap it between my legs! Then I can rub myself against it all night and as it wriggles and squirms I can think of Osama's face. Wow! I'm getting quite hard thinking about this! I better not waste the opportunity. Ever since the American's arrived, you would have thought that viagra woould have been very available, but not so! Mmm. typing with one hand is not so dificily. Good night now! ;)

Osama!

2003-09-21T17:43:00.000+04:30

I have just heard that attention seeking knob, Osama has been on the radio again! If that fucker hadden't started this whole attack America thing, I would still be in power! Its all his fucking fault! If I ever get my hands on him I will use his beard to wipe my arse! And he would still be attached to it! Now.. back to sleep.

First Blog!

2003-09-21T17:35:00.000+04:30

Well, here I am, starting my new blog. I thought to myself, if that blogger Pax was able to get away with it when I was President of Iraq,. then I can too, while I'm not! As you can see I have dispensed with the traditional arabic as I wish to reach a wider audience of BBC World Service listeners and CNN viewers (especially that miniture idiot dwarf).

I have been passing the time carving the names of my enemies into the lead bullets in my kalashnikov rifle. I'm not sure how good an idea this will be as it might take too long to load the rifle when I actually go and strike back, and what I am supposed to do if they do not organise themselves into the same order that I have loaded the bullets into the magasine? Perhaps I can have an eighties revisited night and they will come to my house on appointment. That way I will know that the bullets will be fired into the right people.

Since my great personal wealth has been stolen by the occupying forces and used for I don't know what, I have had to cut back on personal luxuries. Thus I have had to cancel my subsciption to Al-Jazererja, even though as a regular contributer I would have thought that I would have been given a free subscription, or even a baseball cap. Plus, as I am always moving on the property ladder, it is very annoying having to wait in all day for the satellite dish installer to (not) turn up on the day that was arranged. What, do they think I have nothing better to do?

American cigarettes are quite good, but I do prefer Gaulaises. If only the French would send us cigarette sellers.

The other day I tried to get in contact with my sons Uday and Quasay. I don't know why they don't phone their father anymore. Did I not teach them how to shoot at everyone in sight? My sons are so ungrateful. Still, they have fine skin and smell so nice. I have hopes that maybe they will one day become fashion models (when the Iraqi Army uniform look comes back into fashion). Perhaps they will remember me, their old man, when they are strutting up and down the catwalks of Paris.

I have just had a thought.. maybe to regain my popularity I should apply to get on "I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here!". I must contact that dynamic showbiz duo, Ant and Dec and see if they can give me some tips on success. I will also try that lady Tarapalmertomkinson. I hear that she is quite good in a bikini and maybe we can exchange styling tips (Which I admit, ever since I began cross dressing after the American's arrived, I have been unable to get enough of. I have even considered shaving off my moustache, but I read in an old copy of TeenIraqi17, is not to be done as after it grows back it grows back even stronger. I will ask my former chemical weapons expert for a bleaching agent I can use. As soon as she gets out of jail.

I wonder if the North Korean embassy is open, as I could do with a hot shower. They owe me. After all I sent them my best missle engineers and Wepons of Mass Destruction scientisits before the war (no wonder the American's cannot find anythhing here!). They had better not Welsh on our deal! 50% of all retail sales are mine!

Well that's all for now.. I'm getting fed up with running all my electric appliances at full blast all the time to cause unneccesary power drain on the power grid. Its time to get some sleep.